Tough conversations are a normal part of working life. How to make them more effective? First of all we should know the most common mistakes in conducting tough conversations:
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We assume that we know everything we need to know to understand the situation.
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We hide our feelings or show them too extensively and regret later.
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We ignore who we are. We behave as if our identity was not associated with the problem at hand.
Then it is necessary to continue with the following five steps. The steps has been summarized in a monthly nesletter published by Center for Creative Leadership, an international nonprofit educational institution focusing on research and development of leadership.
1. Prepare
Each tough converssation consists of three sub-questions. First, therefore, ask yourself 1) how you see what happened, 2) what emotions it makes you feel, and 3) how you see yourself in the situation.
2. Consider your reasons and evaluate whether the interview should be realized
Clarify what you want to achieve and whether you the conversation would help you. What happens when you remain silent?
3. Start by looking from outside
When you decide to hold the conversation, do not start with you own perspectives. Describe the problem as a difference between two opinions and make it clear that you want to solve the problem together.
4. Evaluate both views in detail
Listen to the view of the other side. Ask questions and paraphrase what have been said. Learn to speak about "perception", not "truth". Do not blame, try to understand your feelings and search for common solutions.
5. Suggest a win-win solution
Choose a solution that will match the most important requirements of both parties. Agree on how you will continue to maintain open communication.
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