Experts on negotiating always advise separating the problem to be solved from the people you are negotiating with. But in some cases (about 1%) people really are the problem and then conventional negotiating techniques do not work. Psychologist Judith White points this out in an interesting article on the Harvard Business Review website. She says there are two types of counterparty you should negotiate with even if it will be challenging. However, there are also two other types of counterparty with whom you should not negotiate.
Who to negotiate with?
1. Emotive negotiators
These people feel strong emotions in the event of any disagreements. If, however, you handle conflicts together and they have the opportunity to express their emotions, they will calm down. In some cultures, strong emotions are natural and do not prevent successful negotiations. You just have to count on it.
2. Illogical negotiators
The mere fact someone does not agree with our logic does not necessarily mean they are thinking irrationally. Often they only see different facts and problems to us. These disagreements can be overcome and a common agreement reached.
Who not to negotiate with?
1. Never satisfied provocateurs
Negotiations often begin provocatively but in time head more towards conciliation and a search for common solutions. If, however, someone starts with conciliation and gradually becomes provocative, it is suspicious. Such negotiations will probably lead to an endless cycle of conciliation and provocation without any will to reach a common solution.
2. Black-and-white thinking negotiators
Negotiation is a way of resolving conflicts of interest, not a search for scapegoats. Anyone who sees people only as good or evil lacks the basic thought processes necessary for successful negotiations. All such an individual wants is to punish evil people who disagree with them, you included. Here no win-win solution exists.
If you encounter these two types of negotiators, be realistic. Do not assume that they will change: even the best negotiation strategy cannot change them. Stop making concessions because the purpose of concessions is to reach an agreement, which here is impossible. Focus on how to minimise your losses. Do everything possible to complete your joint project but stop making new offers.
Try to minimise your dependence on the person concerned. "If you must continue to work with this person, remember that even very immature children can still play nicely side-by-side if each is given his or her own set of toys," says Judith White. Avoid private discussions; rather communicate in front of witnesses or record your discussions in writing. A mediator may help but probably the best thing you can do is end negotiations.
-kk-