Try to be aware of your hidden motivations when you feel you must “win“ in a conversation. The odds are you need to win either in order to be manipulative or, on the other hand, for reasons of fear. We tend to follow this win-lose dynamic whereby one side has to be right and the other wrong. Our ego needs to feel strong and secure; when someone shows us we are mistaken, we experience feelings of fear and insecurity. Interpersonal relationships are then threatened by conflicts, mistrust, anger and frustration. The common parent of these emotions is fear. We are, according to the management-issues.com website, afraid of losing.
Why is it so difficult to abandon the confrontational approach?
It seems that letting go of our need to be right requires much effort. The concept of “me” is created during childhood. In our early years we are supplied with many beliefs and expectations. We take on board some of these views and thus part of our personality is constructed. This explains why people have various beliefs and opinions. But if our ego is too strong, then an “it's all about me” attitude prevails. If our opinions are challenged, our first reaction is fear because we sense that “me” is in danger. Being right simply means being “me”: everything is in order and no threat is involved. This is why the feeling of being wrong is so unbearable for many people we all know. And perhaps even for us ourselves.
Avoid frustration
The only way to escape such adverse dynamics is to refrain from the polarity which is fixed in our perceptions and choose inclusion and cooperation instead. There need not always be two hostile factions: instead, both sides may find agreement and unite. The real challenge is relating to others in a way which focuses on similarities and on what we have in common. Then there appears a "we and win-win" approach where previously there was only a divisive and confrontational "me vs. you" attitude.
Let go of the need always to be right
Once you have managed to do this, you will feel inner peace. You will discover you are more honest and trusting and that it is much easier for you to build open, harmonious and mutually beneficial relationships.
-jk-