The fundamental problem with the development of emotional intelligence lies in the fact that those who most lack emotional intelligence are unaware of the fact. Executive coach Muriel Maignan Wilkins writes about this phenomenon in an interesting article on the Harvard Business Review website, where she describes one of her coaching clients, a high-potential manager with a strong ability to achieve results. People who worked with him, however, considered him a heartless player, able to "leave dead bodies in his path". They provided examples of situations when the manager had ignored or humiliated them. But when he learned of the feedback, he felt it must be a mistake.
"He didn’t have the self-awareness or empathy that are hallmarks of emotional intelligence," says Wilkins. She provides a list of several warning signals which show you should start working on your emotional intelligence.
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You often feel others don't understand you. This upsets you and forces you to act impetuously.
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You are surprised how sensitively others react to your comments and jokes.
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You think others are to blame for most of the problems in your team.
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You don't feel comfortable when others want you to understand their feelings.
If you have problems in these situations, try the following steps.
Ask for feedback
Ask how the people around you perceive what you do and don't do. Don't try to find excuses for your behaviour; instead, listen carefully. You can change only when you stop being defensive and start accepting feedback.
Choose your words wisely
People with low emotional intelligence don't realise how others can misinterpret their words. For example, when you say, "I really don't understand what's so difficult here", others may interpret it as an expression of your indifference to their feelings. Think about what impression you want to make and how you want people around you to feel. Then formulate your thoughts accordingly.
Don't react rashly
Emotionally intelligent people react wisely. First, they always listen to the other party and calm themselves down. Taking a pause before reacting is not the same as not reacting at all. It's a matter of giving space to yourself and others.
Don't forget about your own feelings
Learning to perceive situations through the eyes of others is important; however, this does not mean you should ignore your own feelings. On the contrary, you should consider both perspectives and look for overlaps.
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