Robin Dreeke spent decades as a senior FBI agent and he knows how to gain the trust of other people. In his book The Code of Trust: An American Counterintelligence Expert’s Five Rules to Lead and Succeed, he shared a number of tips, some of which he also described in an interview for the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania.
What did years of training US spies and combatting foreign ones teach him? He says it was not only a matter of convincing someone to do something but inspiring that person so that they genuinely wanted to do it. In counterintelligence, it was about how to inspire people so that they would want to talk. In every interaction, from a strategical viewpoint, it was about gaining trust.
Identify your own goals, then find out what other people want
First you need to get your goals right. Identify your priorities but don't then insist on them at all costs. Primarily your job is about understanding the priorities of others. You need to find out about their needs, dreams and aspirations. That means all of them: professional and personal, long- and short-term.
Then talk about these needs and also show how you could provide the resources to fulfil them. This is the way to gain trust; however, one genuinely key factor is not to expect any reciprocity whatsoever. Leading is also often about offering your resources to others.
These are the fundamental rules of trust building in a nutshell. The second part of the article will look at more specific recommendations on how to gain trust as a co-worker and leader.
Book
Dreeke, Robin and Stauth, Cameron: The Code of Trust: An American Counterintelligence Expert’s Five Rules to Lead and Succeed. St. Martin's Press, 2017, 384 pages
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