Getting other people to act how you want them to act is very difficult. That is why the more effective path to better interpersonal relationships leads through the observation of your own behavior. If you observe how you communicate and understand how you contribute to strained relationships with the people around you, you will discover that even a small change in your approach to communication can mean a lot.
Where should you start? Become acquainted with the following warning signals that will let you know when it’s time to change how you communicate. They were published by the PsychCentral server on its website.
The other party reacts irritably
Anger makes it impossible to deal with a situation productively. Therefore try to take a step back and calmly explain what your intention in the conversation was. This also applies to situations where you start to see that the person you are talking to is starting to experience other emotions, such as sadness or feelings of guilt.
You said something you didn’t want to say
If you say something that you know you will regret later, try to apologize immediately and explain your intentions. Act similarly if you realize that you are speaking too roughly or are unjustly condemning someone.
You have been the only one talking for several minutes
Be careful of not constantly dominating the conversation. Consciously try to listen more than you speak. When others are speaking, do not prepare your answers in your mind, concentrate fully on what they are saying.
You are afraid to express your opinion
Everybody is afraid to express their opinion sometimes. But if this happens regularly, you should work on developing your assertiveness. This also applies to situations where you feel the need to apologize to others, even though you know you did nothing wrong.
You are lying
The principle that everybody sometimes tells a small lie (such as “What a lovely dress.”) in order to avoid hurting the other person also applies here. But if you develop the habit of not telling the truth, you can hardly expect the people around you to trust you. Also avoid the tendency to accuse others of all your problems or to accept the blame for all of the other people’s problems.
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