Somebody asked you for a favor, but you don't have time or aren't willing to help him. This situation may occur every day and you will always have two possible solutions to choose from. You can either do what others want you to do, or do what you think is right or best. Refusing is, however, not as easy as it might seem.
We usually fail to say "no" because we are afraid of other people's reaction. We are afraid that we will disappoint them, or that a conflict will arise and they will turn against us. How can you get rid of these negative emotions? Read our summary of the practical tips published by Susan Krauss Whitbourne, psychologist from the University of Massachusetts Amherst, on the Psychology Today website.
1. Get it clear why you want to say "no"
When you realize where your negative attitude is coming from, you will be able to better articulate your arguments.
2. Count on stress
When you admit that saying "no" will be stressful for you, you can manage your negative feelings easier.
3. Try not to offend
Rejection can be expressed without insulting the other person. Maintain a neutral tone of voice and choose words carefully so that you don't act offensively.
4. Find something positive
Try to find something positive in every situation. The fact that you can't agree on one particular thing doesn't mean that you don't have anything in common.
5. Be proud of your values
If you reject something because it doesn't correspond to your fundamental values, don't be ashamed of it. For example, if you don't agree with the conclusion of a so-called groupthink, you may become a strong individual player.
6. Prepare for a possible compromise
The fact that you express your opinion doesn't necessarily mean that it is unchangeable. Sometimes the other person, not you, may be right. So always try to see things through the eyes of others.
7. Refuse a task, not a person
Always say "no" to a specific request rather than to the personality characteristics of the person making the request. Even if you don't like the person very much, don't judge his request in advance.
If your colleague or a close friend or relative refuses your request, try not to take it personally. The fact that someone disagrees with you doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't like you or wants to humiliate you in some way. After hearing "no", try to look at the rejection from a broader perspective. Try to find something positive that can inspire you to deal with similar issues in the future.
-kk-