Have you ever wondered why we have two ears and only one mouth? Maybe nature intended to suggest that healthy communication is a matter of listening more than talking. The problem is that most people still ignore this even though nothing other but communication problems cause the collapse of most personal as well as work-related relationships.
Psychologist Amy Morin, the author of the worldwide bestselling book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do, writes about it in an interesting article on Inc.com. "In my 14 years as a therapist, no one has ever entered my office claiming to be a bad listener. But the truth is, most people's listening skills could use a little sharpening," says Morin. She draws attention to the following bad habits that prevent us from listening to others.
Don't try to read others' minds
Do not assume that you know what others think or how they feel. You will never be as good at it as you think you are. Listen to them and ask questions to find out.
Don't rehearse what you're going to say
Instead of listening to others, we often begin rehearsing our responses in our heads. Try to consider how you can react to something you haven't heard. You can hardly react properly.
Don't choose what to hear and what to ignore
Some people only hear what they want to hear. They ignore any messages they don't like for some reason. However, this only leads to unnecessary misunderstandings and poor problem solving.
Don't think about anything else
Especially during longer conversations, be careful not to start thinking about something completely different than the topic at hand. The better you listen, the sooner you'll understand and the conversation will end.
Don't judge others in advance
When someone tells you in advance that a person is such and such, be careful. Make up your own mind based on your own experience of listening to the person.
Don't offer advice right away
If you tend to start offering advice to others right away, you will never hear all the information. Showing you're listening and that you understand is more important than giving advice.
Don't interrupt others when they're talking
Once you start talking, you aren't listening any more. If you constantly complain, argue, or otherwise enter the speech of others, nothing gets solved.
Don't agree just to get rid of them
You should not interrupt the conversation by saying: "Yes, you're right." People often only use this phrase to stop listening to others without trying to understand them. That is how they show clear indifference and disrespect.
Don't change the topic
Most people try to change the subject in order to talk about something they want to talk about. They want to avoid any unpleasant topics raised by the other person. Although this can sometimes be a short-term solution, it brings more harm than good in the long run.
-kk-