"We live in a society that values aggressive personal marketing. To be silent is to fall behind," says Kate Murphy, author of You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why it Matters.
Active listening is a more important skill than ever. It involves more than just "hearing" the words someone is saying. Active listening occurs when you extract your own meaning from what you hear. It is a process of understanding and repeating what you have heard.
Murphy emphasises that listening engages us in life. It gives us a richer social life, makes us more complete and less lonely. According to her, it is important to have thoughtful two-way conversations so we can really understand another person and their point of view. Good listening can help you understand other people's attitudes and motivations, which is essential in building cooperative and productive relationships, as well as in identifying relationships you should avoid.
If you want to listen actively, you should give the speaker your full attention, respect their point of view, refrain from making judgments and avoid interruptions. On the contrary, you should indicate non-verbally, for example by nodding or eye contact, that you are listening to the other person. The same applies to online conversations, where you need to adapt your non-verbal communication.
Being a good listener makes you a better speaker. To give the speaker really useful feedback, you need to listen carefully and absorb all the details. In addition, such listening helps you perceive what works and what doesn't in a presentation. It also enriches your own speech.
People also often do not look for a solution, but rather want someone to acknowledge their situation. Researchers have long studied the strong relationship between public speaking and listening. Dr. Ralph G. Nichols, known as the "father of listening," noticed this relationship while teaching debating at the University of Minnesota. He noted his best students were those who listened to their opponents. "The best way to understand people is to listen to them," he said. At the same time, there are four areas that make it difficult for people to listen in general:
- You think three to four times faster than the speaker speaks
- You listen with the intention of reacting rather than understanding
- You want to give advice
- You do not want to understand cultural barriers
The second area of difficulty is especially difficult in practice. Fortunately, active listening is a skill that can be developed. By focusing on the speaker and understanding the subtext of what is said or left unsaid, you can train your ears and become a better communicator. Here are some tips:
- Minimise distractions: If you really want to listen, cultivate the right environment. When someone is talking, whether at a meeting or in a conversation, always turn off your mobile phone, laptop, tablet, and other devices.
- Don't interrupt, but ask open-ended questions: When others are talking and the conversation is interesting, it's very tempting to interrupt and start mentioning your own experiences and ideas. Resist this. Listening is not about you but the other person.
- Don't be afraid of silence and be aware of cultural differences: Develop tolerance for silence. This is difficult in many countries, especially in Western cultures where people may interpret silence as dissent. However, many Asian cultures are more comfortable with remaining silent. Communication barriers can also occur between people from the same country who speak the same language but are in different life situations, such as those who have jobs and those who don't, people with and without children, etc. Whether you are listening to someone from another culture, another generation or another industry, give space to other people and don't hesitate to ask clarifying questions.
-bb-