Purpose, presence and ability to avoid pitfalls
Good listening is about how to fulfil a purpose (the reason for listening), presence (a certain vibration you create), and at the same time minimising potential pitfalls (mental filters, mental multitasking, etc.) that may distract you.
- Purpose: Before starting a call or conversation, you need to know exactly what your purpose is. This might involve understanding all the details, gaining an overall picture, or assessing the credibility of the other person.
- Presence: 93% of a message is based on tone of voice and body language, including facial expressions and eye contact. Only 7% relates to the actual words spoken.
- Pitfalls: While some external interference is unavoidable, you can minimise it (for example, by moving to a quieter room).
Choose an area where you can improve
There are roughly five reasons why we want to listen to others:
- obtaining details
- gaining perspective
- evaluation and judgment (finding out if a person is telling the truth or has good intentions)
- perception and recognition of subtle deviations or hints
- seeking empathy (you put yourself in other people's shoes without judging them)
Ideally, choose one of the above five factors in which to train. Take, for example, perspective. After the interview, you can ask yourself: "How will things look in five years time?" And: "How can I summarise the issue to someone who is not part of the discussion?". Try to summarise the topic in one sentence.
If you want to improve your judgment, it is advisable to use some self-assessment questions during and after the discussion. For example:
- Is it a good idea?
- Is it reliable, accurate, up-to-date information?
- Is it a fact or a subjective opinion?
Learn to perceive minor inconsistencies in argumentation. Be on your guard if the information appears to be implicitly correct.
Exercise at intervals and at the right time
Training requires a good time when your mind is ready. This certainly won't be after a hearty lunch when the attention of most of us is rather declining. Schedule key appointments for the time of day when you are properly active. If you really want to strengthen your "listening muscle", train at regular intervals in the same way as, say, top athletes.
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