Research shows that affinity manifests itself when:
- we feel appreciated by other people in the team
- we feel that we fit into the community and the environment
Taking into account the experience of the last 20 years of research and practice of experts, a sense of belonging usually arises when individuals experience the satisfaction of one of the following feelings:
- acceptance
- welcome
- appreciation
- care
- evaluation
- initiation/inner understanding
To evoke these feelings, the community needs to be able to provide a certain experience in which participants can feel accepted, welcome, appreciated, cared for, valued, or confidentially understood.
Although this may sound like a Herculean task for some leaders, one which they would find difficult to accomplish in a team, they can still learn certain principles that bring communities and teams together.
Where to start?
Start with a sense of belonging which is felt internally as a first person experience. This is hard for the observer to measure; it could be compared, say, to measuring the power of maternal love. Yet this difficulty does not lessen the importance of the experience. It is good to try to promote a community "inner view" by, for example, helping members share insider understanding. This means sharing with one another things only insiders will understand, not those around them.
Here is an example from the practice of Melissa Allen, a former American fire department captain now retired, writing in the magazine Undercover Recruiter. Melissa shared her appreciation of the time she spent with other firefighters in her community, as they understood the complexity, pressure, and passion that often comes with a certain role. Firefighters frequently share understanding and compassion without words. The sense of belonging in a given community is so strong that if, for example, the partner of one of the firefighters joins the group, the topic of conversation will change immediately. It's not because "outsiders" are unwelcome or disliked; they just don't share the insider understanding firefighters have gained in the course of their careers.
This is also the case among other people who share similar strong experiences. For example, cancer patients, foreign workers, marathon runners and others: such people have a very strong bond with one another and share an "understanding of the insiders".
When an organisation adopts community building principles, employees are attracted to it because they share some values more intensely than others. We want to feel understood by people who share our values. We want to see that people inside our community understand it more than people outside. Therefore, be selective. By the way, this is one of the reasons why a community cannot succeed if it does not take the values of individuals into account and is willing to accept people only on the basis of their qualifications. So be careful who you actually let into your team: they should be people who not only embrace the core values of your organisation but also fit into your culture.
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