The ability to recognize the emotions others are experiencing and take into account their feelings when making your own decisions is called social awareness. Many people lack this ability because instead of devoting their full attention to the people they are communicating with, they only think about what they say or how what others say relates to themselves. This has a negative effect on interpersonal relationships.
The good news is that if you do not use certain phrases, your relationships with others will improve significantly. Travis Bradberry published an interesting article on this subject on LinkedIn.com. Bradberry is an expert on emotional intelligence and the author of a globally successful book entitled Emotional Intelligence 2.0, which has also been published in Czech by BizBooks. He recommends avoiding the following statements.
"You look tired."
A better question is "Is everything all right?". When others see you want to help, they will be more open than if you say they look terrible.
"You look great, you've lost a ton!"
Even a well-intentioned remark may hurt. Complimenting by comparing the past and the present may sound like criticism. This also applies to statements such as, "You look great at your age." Just say, "You look great."
"She wasn't good enough for you."
Whether it was a personal or professional relationship, it ended badly. However, this statement indicates that the person doesn't make good choices. You should just say, "Her mistake."
"You always ... You never ..."
Nobody always or never does anything. Stick to the particular situation and describe what you perceive as the problem. If something happens again and again, say "It seems that you do it quite often."
"As I said ..."
Do not literally repeat what you have already said. That not only shows that you do not believe in yourself or your listeners. If you want to repeat something, repeat it in other words.
"Good luck."
If you want to wish somebody good luck, this general phrase might send a signal that he can't handle the thing himself without being lucky. You should say, "I know you can do it."
"Do what you want."
If someone asks for your opinion or advice, try to answer more specifically. You can say that you do not have a strong opinion, but you can add something to consider.
"At least, I have never ..."
This aggressive response seeks to shift attention towards an earlier mistake that has already become irrelevant. Just say, "I'm sorry."
-kk-